Joe Wilson's outburst during Obama's speech last night has created quite a stir - but one of the more interesting conversations this morning was on the local
Christian radio station, and it wasn't political at all. The announcer was discussing the outburst, and suggested that it would be nice if we went through life with some sort of buzzer that would sound whenever we lied.
Sounds good. If we were forced to be 100% honest all of the time, things like cheating on your spouse or significant other would all but vanish. Shady business practices and out-right scammers would be no more. Even so-called "white lies" would go away - you know, the answers to "does this dress make me look fat" and such. Some suggested this would be a problem, but others felt it would force us to learn to speak truth with kindness - something we can all to often avoid with canned responses.
But then, a caller dropped a bombshell that seemed to derail the entire idea. Suddenly, the announcer wasn't so sure of his idea that we should go through life with a lie-detecting buzzer. There was a deafening silence, followed by much back-peddling away from the idea.
"What about the stork story? You know, when our kids ask where babies come from..."
Keep in mind, this is a Christian station with a primarily Christian audience. Hence my confusion. Are Christian parents really so attached to a story that, for one thing is a lie, and for another elevates the stork to an almost god-like status in their childrens' minds? It makes no sense to me.
Don't get me wrong, I realize that children need to be given age-appropriate information. But, why the stork? If your children are too young for the mechanics of where babies come from, there is a simple answer for Christian parents right there in the Bible. Don't believe me? Read Psalm 139, and ask yourself - wouldn't it be better to reinforce to your children that God is God, and God created them and knew them before they were born, than to tell them an outright lie about them being dropped off by a stork?
If you tell the stork story to children too young for the mechanics of where babies come from, then they will know that you lied to them when they do get old enough to understand. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not have a pre-teen becoming curious about sexuality knowing that I lied to him or her about such an important issue. It would be much better to lay the groundwork with "you grew in mommies tummy" and build on that as they get older and more able to understand the details.
How did you / will you talk to your children about where babies come from?
Comments (20)
I give them factually true information that is fit for their age.
Darn good point! And I wholeheartedly agree. When I get around to the whole kids thing, my wife and I will not be making up stories about storks, Santa Clause, etc. "Mom and Dad loved each other, and God brought you here" will suffice for those early years, and then as soon as they are developed enough to understand, then will come the details. Santa will be taught as a fun character of a good story much in the same way my kids will be taught about Optimus Prime (and believe me, they will be).
Though, now that I think about it, it would be infinitely entertaining to teach the kids that Optimus Prime comes once a year to bring them presents. Ok, I may have to rethink this...
Wisdom.
I agree with you 100%.
But why stop at the Stork story, what about Santa Clause, and the tooth fairy, and ...? We think our children are stupid, apparently. They DO pick up on these things. When my 12 year old found out that Santa was not true, she asked me why we lied to her (no such thing as a "little white lie"). If our children cannot trust their own parents to tell the truth, then who can they trust? We ask ourselves, "where did we go wrong?" When our children don't trust people in authority or become rebellious, or depressed, or.... Helloooo! It starts with the "little" things and progresses on to larger things. How many young girls were told not to kiss a boy or they would get pregnant? Only later to find out either in school, or from a friend that their parents had lied about this? They start to think, Hmmm, If they lied about this, then what else did they lie about; and if they lied about this, then maybe they lied about God and forgiveness and eternal life, and....
I believed that these little stories were "ok" to tell my kids because I was told these very same stories when I was a kid, "and I grew up ok". Or did I? My life past is FILLED with darkness, sin and ... junk. For this reason I cannot "judge" anyone. I need only to reflect on my own past, and remember the grace that was alloted to me, and so i give as was given to me. Did some part of my past have to do with the "little white lies" that my parents told me? I don't know. I just thank God for sending His Son to save me from my past. Whew!
I feel that we should tell our children the truth in as much as they can handle, much as the Spirit of Christ reveals the truth of the kingdom to us in as much as we can handle. We feed it to them in small amounts as they ASK, and greater amounts as they grow and ASK. I was once told that if a child asks, they may be ready to know. Just as when a child wants to put off diapers or a pacifier then they may be ready to dump the diapers and the binkie".
Children are as we make them to be, whether we are willing to admit it or not, it is so. And those children grow into what they have learned to be. Hmmm, this is why our military has a boot camp, to purge out all of the "junk" that the parents teach these brave young men and women, and build them up into someone respectable. Ooops, but they have changed even that. :-/
Does anyone actually use the stork story still? I never heard of the stork until i was 11 and had a pretty decent understanding of where babies actually came from.
Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Clause.......
"Mommie and Daddy love each other and you're the result" is a pretty good start.
@mpwarren - That is why we do not lie to our children about Santa or the tooth fairy either.
@Kristenmomof3 - I kind of stuck to those "stories" and other things, like halloween and such, until I found Christ and He started revealing what was truth and what was nonsense to me, then, over time, as I submitted to the truth, but more out of love and reverence for Him and what He has done, did my views on what man has established change and give way to Gods established truth.
When I have a child of my own, he or she will know the truth when he or she, is old enough to hear it and understand it. I will not have my child believe in silly things like Santa etc. I am very much against that! I agree with the person who said there is no such thing as a "white lie", a lie is a lie no matter how big or small. Telling kids there is a Santa who brings gifts to good kids or a stork that brings kids to people expecting children are lies one as a parent is teaching our kids. So when a kid lies for the first time, that child shouldn't be punished or blamed, cause it was the parents who taught the kid to lie by starting a lie themselves. This was an interesting blog. You made your points well.
Oh I am so sick of the Santa Claus, Easter Bunny debate.
These things are fun people, they add excitement for the kids. Passing on a bit of folklore isn't the same as blatant lying to your kids. I wish everyone would just lighten up about it.
As for telling my kids about sex. yes, I told them .I told them the truth adjusted to what they could understand at the time.Then expanded later when my girls were old enough.
@Bricker59 - (a) My entry had nothing to do with Santa & the Easter Bunny, maybe you're the one who needs to lighten up. (b) Isn't it possible to have fun without telling your kids it is real, that is, tell them Santa & the Easter Bunny are *traditions* and let them enjoy the fun without the lies.
@Kristenmomof3 - I still have mixed feelings about Santa & the other "holiday replacement traditions" that take the focus off of the fact that it is a religious holiday and put it everywhere else. I am sure you know the root of holiday is holy day... but I digress. On the other hand, most of our current "Christian" holidays are based on adaptations of pagan rituals, rites, and holy days so if we're going to debate what is good or bad about the traditions we ought to be looking at that too. I think *if* I decide to celebrate these things with my kids, it will be as I said above... enjoy the traditions but never imply in any way that it is anything other than a fun game.
I have mixed feelings about 'little white lies.' Some times being brutally honest can hurt people when it isn't necessary. As far as the stork story goes, I didn't realize that it was still being told. Also, there was a story on one of the early television sitcoms, My Little Margie I believe the name of it was, about a man who invented a portable lie detector that buzzed as you described. You can imagine all the trouble he got into with his wife in only a few minutes.
@thereluctantsinger - I think that's kind of the point. We need to learn how to be honest without being brutal
@SerenaDante - Hey thanks for the mini
Regarding "penis" and "vagina," I could do a whole rant on that. They're not bad words... but for some reason we tell our kids to use made-up words for parts of their body and then get mad when they get older and use the slang words they hear their friends use. Logic, anyone? Let's just use the appropriate words to begin with & it won't be a big deal.
@radicalramblings - I can't believe I'm actually saying this, but I absolutely agree.
@radicalramblings - I understand the Latin origins of the words, but I find the terms "penis" and "vagina" to sound rather ridiculous. *shrug* Not that I have any wonderful alternative words, but I have always thought "seriously? THAT is what they decided the official term would be?"
This one is my favorite stork story.
Two storks are on a nest-a father stork and baby stork. The
baby stork is crying and father stork is trying to calm him.
"Don't worry Son, your mother will come back. She's only
bringing people babies and making them happy," he says.
The next night, it's father's turn to do the job.
"Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now
he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies," the mother
stork says to the crying baby stork.
A few days later, the stork parents are desperate-their son
is gone from the nest all night. Finally, shortly before
dawn, he returns. The parents ask their son where he has
been all night.
The baby stork says, "Awww, just scaring the hell out of
teenagers!"
We told our very young children that God wove them in their Mommie's tummy (simple weaving crafts let them know what "wove" means). We have picture books with photos of fetuses and babies at various stages (always wondered if any babies were harmed in the making of those photos). No mention at that age of how the process gets initiated.
It is an interesting question... Really, I think it's interesting that we find anatomically correct words as "inappropriate" for our children to hear. The words "penis" and "vagina" can even be said on the radio - at least where I am they can, unless something has changed in the last few years, because I do remember my local radio hosts discussing this very topic. We are the ones that apply the dirty meanings to these words, but in reality, they are what they are - words, and very much appropriate words a that - used in the right context, of coarse.
Of coarse it's not just a question of whether or not they should be exposed to the language, but also whether or not they should know what sex is at such a young age in the first place...
It is indeed an intriguing question, and I really can't say that I have a direct answer to it. If you believe in the Bible and will be teaching it to your kids, then I suppose that is one alternative, but for those of us who don't... It is an interesting pickle.
EDIT: I actually didn't read SerenaDante's comment before posting mine... lol.
I only got vague information about babies as a kid. My parents gave the kids a "body book" that explained the basis, but I still had to deal with my friends in 2nd grade telling me things like, the baby comes out the mom's butt, or if you want twins, "the boy has to pee in your mouth."
Seriously? I would like to educate my children as much as possible, with age appropriate material. My 5th grade teacher was all about that - she was pregnant that year, and told us all that she went to the grocery store with her 4 year old and this woman comes up and goes, "Does your mommy have a baby in her tummy?" (Let's ignore the audacity of said woman...) and the little boy gives her this how-stupid-are-you look and says, "No, it's in her UTERUS." Great. I want that to be my kid :)
@BimmerPhile - Blame the Europeans. I forget the major details, but in one of my linguistics classes the proper terminology for one major group was literally "cock" and "cunt" and the only reason those became "dirty" words is the fact that they were the words of this supposedly lesser group, so the over-taking power decided that penis and vagina would be acceptable. Weird. Now I need to go find that info again, it was interesting :)